Technology, Can't Live With it and Can't Turn it Off!

Technology - Issue I

I have been working hard to get use to the touch screen on my android phone. I find the typing particularly challenging. Just when I think I have it right and hit the send button, I get a reply with question marks and most recently an embarrassing faux pas.

My sister and I were throwing a wedding shower for my niece. We didn't specify any particular theme for the shower, so when the question came in asking what type of shower we were having I was quick to reply to my guest... too quick:

Guest's Message received:

My Mom asked if this is a personal shower or a kitchen shower or whatever and I don't have a clue where the invitation is and can't recall if it is indicated on there. I also have no idea where she or they are registered. Think you can help out here? Your loving ex-neighbor and current friend.

Immediate reply from android phone:

Hi neighbor, this is a genetal shower.so anything goes. I thonk she is registered at macys looking forward to seei.g you!

Urgent reply from x neighbor:

A genital shower! Oh, my!

Ooopppss..... I meant general

Technology - Issue II

Why do companies have realistic sounding answering machines? I needed to get to human being and the autolady is asking me all these questions: account number, birth date, zip code and she kindly gives me my account information. THANK YOU!!! I have the statement in my hand! Sometimes you just have to say "REPERESNTATIVE" or "AGENT" to get to a mammal. But autolady just kept saying, "I am sorry, I don't understand."

I lose myself and find I am screaming at autolady and she begins to sound angry. I am waiting for her to say... "Hal, we know where you live, we are sending an army of autobit***s to take your children."

It occurs to me at that instant that this would be a hilarious clip and I imagine there are hundreds, no thousands of people just like me swearing at autoladies all over the world. Brilliant! Now I just need to find out how to get my hands on the clips so I can start a website that could put an end to the automadness. If anyone has any ideas, you're in, we will make a fortune.

So, is it age that is my barrier to these technologies, or it is just being human.. and spending too much time alone?

Getting Back to Business

One hundred days have passed since my "conceptual" 50th birthday and it is time to stop and take stock of the progress I have made during my journey. In the first 100 days I have learned:

• Even if you move your guitar within reach you won't necessarily play it


• Remembering to say no to things you shouldn't do, not the things you should


• Life is better when you focus on acceptance, except too much focus can cause you to gain 6 lbs.


• To slow down the passage of time you have to do new things, not just think of new things


• Fuzzy, bobble-head eaglets turn into gawky, weird looking, birds amazingly fast

That's all I got so far and I am not even sure my lessons are useful. Therefore I am back to practicing healthier lifestyle habits and have been doing so since 6:30 this morning. This time my daughter is joining me and we all know it is easier to make changes with someone than to do it alone.

Our plan is to shed some weight and then do our own version of "What Not to Wear". We are still looking for someone to take us shopping and teach us important lessons about wardrobe, hair and makeup. If you are not busy in June, let me know, we should be ready by then.

As I worked (walked) with the trainer today I noticed that the pale green leaves of the weeping willows were starting to unfurl. If you are not from Minnesota you wouldn't know how terribly ugly March and most of April are. Snow mold keeps the grass matted down, garbage from the long winter is revealed with the melted snow and everything looks brown and dirty. But, the glimpse of that first pale yellow green willow leaf is like the beginning of the very best party.

To celebrate I bought a flat of overpriced pansies yesterday and put them in the front yard. I do this as a challenge to mother nature who apparently will be showing up on Wednesday with some snow and ice. In the immortal words of Charlie Sheen... "Bring it!"

The Eaglets Have Landed

All bets are off on the new lifestyle and I can't decide if I am ashamed or thrilled. Being raised Catholic my inclination is to be ashamed, but today I am going for thrilled. As time goes on the shame will come on its own, no need to rush things! I have a new obsession, which has kept me from posting before now. Actually, it has kept me from a lot of things and I am feeling cautious about saying what it is as I don't want to be responsible for anyone losing their job or giving up their healthy lifestyle.

This new fascination dovetails nicely with my last post because it is about eagles. I was watching the news and they were talking about an eagles nest that has 24X7 live streaming. With my new found affinity for birding I thought this was brilliant! I don't have to walk around, carry binoculars or hang with other birders. I can just sit at my desk and watch this amazing eagle family.

She starts her day as any other mother would, gets off the nest and counts the kids to make sure they are all still there. You can almost see a trace of a smile in her eyes as nudges them around with her beak and gets them ready for breakfast. Her nest is very handy, she has a several fish sitting at the edge of her 6' domain, 80' up in the air. The most amazing piece is that she never leaves, as the days go by you can see her start to get a bit crabby, just sitting all day long. Sometime she tidies up the place by rearranging the grass and sticks. I haven't seen this yet, but she must dump the garbage at some point.

My favorite part is when the father arrives. He always has a fish in his talons and you can almost read her mind as he lands on the nest and she squawks "Where the hell have you been?" He says, " Sorry dear, had a hard time catching this fish, but I got him!" He is so hoping to please her.

Her response? "Fish again?? You know I need some red meat if I am going to keep the kids warm, can't you find a squirrel?" Dad's eyes flash and he responds, "Nice... I bust my beak trying to bring you some fresh, healthy food and this is what I get? You think these fish just jump into my talons???" She realizes she has gone too far and in an effort to change the course of the conversation she gets up and shows him the kids. "They are doing very well don't you think" (i.e. aren't I an amazing mother?). Dad cocks his head to the side and give them a close inspection, finally he asks, "when are they going to get some feathers?"

This goes on all day, they actually do appear to have conversations and now that the babies are several days old they are starting to squirm out from under her. Myself and over 100,000 people tune in daily to watch the drama unfold, it is a lovely way to pass a bit of time as I wait for spring to arrive. Check the site at your own risk: http://www.ustream.tv/decoraheagles