Where is everyone?

It has been a great week, life really is better when you focus on acceptance instead of change. This does not mean I am giving up the dreams of a guitar solo or completing the book I started years ago with a friend, but dreaming and changing are two completely different animals.

Dream even sounds better because everything is possible. Change, on the other hand, sounds harsh and demanding. You can't draw out the word change like you can the word dream. Example: Dreeeaaamm, or Dreamy, that is very nice. Now try change: Chaaannggee or changey, it simply does not work. So aging is not about creating a new self, it is accepting the self that has been in the game all along and enjoying both old and new adventures.

I have several ideas about adventures and one is and always has been listening to a great band and dancing. I was able to do that this weekend at an event called Oak on the Ice. The hours for the music were perfect - 7:30PM - 10PM. The venue was unusual because it really was on a frozen lake, but they had a tent and the floor was covered with straw so you didn't slip.... too much.

I know for myself that my appetite for late nights is failing as quickly as my ability to read printed pages, so whenever there is band that is starting before 8:30PM I am all in. I actually have been throwing around an idea of opening a club. The name of the club would be Mid-Life Crisis. There would be live music on the weekends and the band would start at 7PM and everyone would be home in bed by 11PM.

This seemed like a brilliant idea considering the demographics of our community, but after this weekend I am not so sure. My friend and I arrived early so we could get a seat for this big name band. You can see from the picture above that we were very effective. Even though the band stopped at 10PM sharp it didn't really fill up till almost 9PM. Maybe the idea of dancing before 9PM is just too radical or maybe nobody has "dreamed" it was possible to have a place to go that aligns with their maturing sleeping patterns. Patterns, I believe, that God has put in place to gently introduce us to the idea of not driving at night in another couple of decades.

I am heading to DC tomorrow to do a training on organizational change for the Office of Personnel Management. I wonder what they would do if I introduced the training as organizational dreaming?

Change Is Great! You Go First....

This will be a brief blog as I am very tired from shoveling 2 feet of snow that has fallen over a period of 48 hours. It started out okay because I purchased a very beautiful, two cycle, shiny, red snow blower on December 16th of this year. Her name is Sunflower and I can clear the driveway, patio and sidewalk in less than an hour. Unfortunately she sucked up a rug last night and that was the end of snow removal nirvana.

The rug was my fault, although I wasn't operating her at the time. There was a big patch of ice on the driveway and every time I stepped on it I fell down. In my mind it made sense to lay a couple of rubber back rugs over the ice so when you step you don't slip. Rugs are very hard to see under the snow and even if you tell someone to be very careful about the rugs that doesn't mean he will remember. You get the idea... Fortunately Sunflower was repaired this evening after I had shoved manually for a total of 3 hours.

Which brings me to tonight, six weeks into being (conceptually) 50 and not a single change has taken root in my new, mature world:

Health Eating - Nice idea if you have a personal chef

Exercise - You exercise, I have to shovel

Saying No - Saying and doing are two different things

I am ready to watch a good infomercial that will help me find the keys to the kingdom of change. Nobody ever said change was easy, although something so very essential should be. Maybe that is where I should be starting, with something easy. Ha! That's it, starting today I give up shoveling!

Here is a clip of Jack the trainer in the snow today, narrated by Sam who is stranded at home waiting for weather to clear before heading back to college.

A Day for Love!

Excellent news on the travel front, I landed without incident to myself or my neighbor in the next seat. My trip to the Big Easy was just that, easy and enjoyable. As stated in prior blog, the suspension of all good intention went off without a hitch and I was able to enjoy everything New Orleans had to offer. Deep fried soft-sided crab po-boy (some would call it soft shell but the idea of eating, even a soft shell, did not appeal to me) bread pudding, jambalaya, hurricane(s), beignets and best of all... the music. I can honestly say I didn't act my age, which could actually become my mantra for the years head.

After that I had a wonderful weekend with family visiting the north shore and it was difficult to come back to the reality of everyday life. I am so glad today is a holiday so I could carry on the festive mood I have been enjoying for the last 7 days. Actually, it was difficult to keep that spirit alive since I worked all day. Fortunately my beautiful daughter dropped over on her way to an interview and brought me a wonderful, homemade, valentine card. Of course this put me right in the spirit of Valentine's day and I thought it would be appropriate to share my thoughts on the very important topic of Love.

Love is patient, love is kind... Oh, never mind, that one has been done. Maybe this task is not so easy. I have consulted Google on "what is love" and apparently Google believes it has something to do with romance, silly Google. Romance is more about joy (fleeting joy), bliss (fleeting bliss) and pleasure (you get the idea).

I also don't think "things" play into love, even though we all talk about loving our things. Real love can only happen between two living beings (including pets) because when you give it you can feel the effect, and that effect, inevitably, without a doubt... is perfection. You can physically feel it when you are looking at someone you love; a tightness in your center and sometimes a knot in your throat.

You don't even have to be looking at someone you specifically love to have the feeling come over you. My friend Amanda and I were going through security in New Orleans and there was an older woman in the line in front of us. She was lovely in a serene way that only someone over 80 can pull off. Her adult daughter and granddaughter were saying goodbye to her and they were quietly crying and hugging each other. There was something so tangible in that moment, so strong, that when Amanda and I finally looked at each other we both had tears in our eyes. Sometimes witnessing love is almost as great loving someone.

Fortunately I was able to pull Amanda out of this emotional stupor by making up stories about how secretly the daughter was so glad to have her nagging mother finally heading home, but neither of us really believed that.

Defying Gravity

As I wrote the title, Defying Gravity, for this week's blog I wondered what would come to peoples mind as they read it. Would the assumption be that a woman of a certain age is probably planning an intervention to defy the powerful pull gravity has on the human figure? Not that thought hasn't crossed my mind, but no, not seeking gravity defying/restoration procedures anytime in the near future.

What is going on this week is that I am traveling to New Orleans tomorrow for a conference. When you need to get to a place that is too far to drive, you take a plane... that is where the defying gravity title comes in. I fly quite a bit these days, but I am still not comfortable with the idea of shooting into the air, being propelled by highly flammable jet fuel in the hopes of landing, safely, on what appear to be two very, very small sets of wheels, at your destination. There is perceived risk in this mode of travel and as with most things in life, perception is much more powerful than reality.

I worry about the people who have to sit next to me when I fly alone. I try very hard to be sophisticated, especially when I get upgraded to first class. They do frown on screamers in first class so much more than in coach. In coach you can blend in with the masses, so if you happen to hit an air pocket and let out a bit of a scream you simply close your eyes and face away from everyone. Nobody, or very few people at least, will know who caused the brief commotion.

Fortunately, I have the screams pretty well controlled, it is the inadvertent grasping of my neighbor that I need to work on. I feel like I am the only one this happens to, we can be flying along, very smoothly and then it happens UT (unexpected turbulence). Immediately and without hesitation I will grab my neighbors arm. It is like my hand has a life of its own and tries to abandon me when faced with a fearful situation and attach itself to a more stable individual.

What this "issue" has taught me is that deep in the heart of every flyer is this fear. You know how I know? Nobody ever gets mad at me. I always apologize right away and inevitably they smile, say they understand and they hardly ever change seats.
The last flight I was on I was sitting next to a lovely young girl, she must have been about my daughters age. We hit some bumps and my infidel hand went flying over to her arm and latched on. I pulled my hand back and apologized sincerely, but a moment later the plane hit more turbulence and I had grabbed her arm again. I just looked my seatmate and shook my head and you know this sweet young girl said? She said, "that's okay, you can hang onto me if it helps."

My mission during my travels this week and on my journey to fifty is to work on shifting from the one who needs holding to the one who holds.

Before signing off for the week I wanted to let you know that all updates regarding lifestyle changes will be suspended until after February 14th. Because of the risk of air travel it is important that when I board the airplane, I have recently consumed some of my favorite foods, avoided rigorous exercise and am well rested for what could possibly be the last day of my life.

Who Dat?!?!

Since I’m on the same journey (slip-sliding into 50), but on a slightly different path than my dear friend Kathy, I thought I would jump in and be a guest blogger on her site.  Now keep in mind that I usually play the ‘straight-man’ to Kathy’s razor sharp wit, so this probably won’t have the chuckle factor that you usually expect and appreciate from Kathy.  But, as my French ancestors probably used to say, “c'est la vie” (such is life).

Speaking of life, and all it’s idiosyncrasies, I thought I would share a phrase that really struck a cord with me this month. 

Most people think about age and experience in terms of years, but it’s really only moments that define us.  We stay mostly the same and then grow up suddenly, at the turning points.*                     

*Taken from Glenn Beck’s new thriller, the Overton Window.

You see, this gem of truth is both funny and poignant at the same time.  For the funny – (ok, here goes, but don’t say I didn’t warn you that Kathy is the true comedian here):

….We stay mostly the same….

How many of you have been walking along, minding your own business, and happen to glance in the glass panes of the building next to you, or in the mirror/reflection of the elevator, and wonder to yourself – Hmmmm, who is that old person?  And then in one excruciating moment of clarity you realize, Holy Cannoli, that’s me!

Wait.  I’m still 25, right?   

N -O   …………. NO! 

Wait.  I’m old?!?

Y-E-S  ……….YES!

Wait.  If I’m nice to the young man at the Starbucks counter, then I could be mistaken for a cougar?

You.  Bet.  Cha.

Ok, so after I pull myself out of an oozing pit of self-pity, I start to realize maybe this isn’t as bad as I thought.

…… (we) then grow up suddenly, at the turning points…..

Although my reflection-revelation about age could be one of the turning points Mr. Beck is speaking of, I’m thinking it’s really not.    So I start to think about the ‘turning points’ of my life, and how those have affected me.  I decide to consider them neutrally, without emotion, to see if I can understand how they have changed me – again, without emotions like remorse, anger, joy, etc.    And to realize what these ‘turning points’ have done in my life, and others.

Moving away from MN for 17+ years.  I learned a lot about other people, cultures and cities (as well I came to appreciate MN all over again.   Realizing I still hate cold weather/MN winters as much as I did in my 20’s.

Having/raising children.    Learning that I know SO MUCH LESS than I thought I did.  Learning that a mother’s love is FIERCE, and PRECIOUS, and there is nothing like it on earth. 

Financial crises.  Learning that chasing after THINGS just isn’t worth it – stuff is just empty trinkets when you are worried about getting food on the table.  Learning that I have come to value security more than adventure.  (perhaps this is the ‘older, more mature me’ surfacing?).

Friends battle with cancer……winning…….and losing.   Life, moments, with family and friends together, are precious. 

So the turning points, whether crisis or celebrations, are to be savored.  How they change you is your choice – only you can allow change, good or bad, in your life through your choice in how you respond to these defining moments.

So, I guess I’m really not 25 inside anymore.  (I certainly can attest to the fact I’m not 25 on the outside).

And.  That.  Is.  Good.

Hello 50, here I come!