June has started out with a, hmm, I can’t think of an adjective that can properly sum up how badly the summer has started out.
I was reminded again this week that I(we) continue to grow old with the unexpected death of a very dear friend. We have been friends since high school and had amazing adventures. You see we were flag twirlers, so you probably don't need a lot of explanation when I say "amazing adventures". We were supposed to meet for lunch and she never showed up. I sent her email and texts but didn’t hear back until her sister sent me a message on facebook saying she had passed away after a brief battle with cancer. So instead of a reschedule lunch date the next time I saw her was at her wake. After the wake my flag twirling friends and I went out for a drink and to share memories of Michelle. I still cannot believe that she left.
A few days later I drove my mom to visit her brother who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Her brother Bill was a World War II Air Force veteran; he owned a ranch and worked with horses his whole life. He has a wonderful wife and 4 children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. It was heartbreaking to see him this week, he mostly sleeps, doesn’t speak much and I am not sure what he knows or doesn’t know. As mom and I left their home we came into a group of several memory care residents and as I looked at them I didn’t see old people, I tried to see what they use to be before their bodies were robbed of their minds.
If I could turn back the clock to when they were 50 and show them what was ahead I wonder what they might have done differently, if anything. This brings me to the title of my blog today, My Dying Will. I know about the Living Will, telling people what they should do in case you’re very sick and don’t want heroic measures taken to keep you alive. But what is you are alive, very much alive, but your mind is gone. What if every day you wake up with fear, anxiety, and loneliness because you don’t know anyone? Every person I have talked with about this says they absolutely do not want to live like that, nobody has said well, it wouldn’t be that bad.
I will do some research and put up a template for anyone who wants in on this plan. I imagine I will need some pretty good criteria that must be met, but it doesn’t really need to be complicated, does it? Of course the “termination” plan needs an administrator, hopefully by the time I might need to implement the Will there will be a process in place.
Okay, that is two somewhat depressing blogs in a row. Hopefully my next post about the root canal gone bad will funny…. Not!
Hi Kathy- I loved your blog. As someone who has lost someone very close to me, my beloved sister Sharon, I could really relate to your words. And, my Mom is in the beginning stages of Dementia, so I get your "Dying Will", and would be very interested to see what you come up with. Can you tell me who died? Is it someone I knew? Blessings! Mary
ReplyDelete