Defying Gravity

As I wrote the title, Defying Gravity, for this week's blog I wondered what would come to peoples mind as they read it. Would the assumption be that a woman of a certain age is probably planning an intervention to defy the powerful pull gravity has on the human figure? Not that thought hasn't crossed my mind, but no, not seeking gravity defying/restoration procedures anytime in the near future.

What is going on this week is that I am traveling to New Orleans tomorrow for a conference. When you need to get to a place that is too far to drive, you take a plane... that is where the defying gravity title comes in. I fly quite a bit these days, but I am still not comfortable with the idea of shooting into the air, being propelled by highly flammable jet fuel in the hopes of landing, safely, on what appear to be two very, very small sets of wheels, at your destination. There is perceived risk in this mode of travel and as with most things in life, perception is much more powerful than reality.

I worry about the people who have to sit next to me when I fly alone. I try very hard to be sophisticated, especially when I get upgraded to first class. They do frown on screamers in first class so much more than in coach. In coach you can blend in with the masses, so if you happen to hit an air pocket and let out a bit of a scream you simply close your eyes and face away from everyone. Nobody, or very few people at least, will know who caused the brief commotion.

Fortunately, I have the screams pretty well controlled, it is the inadvertent grasping of my neighbor that I need to work on. I feel like I am the only one this happens to, we can be flying along, very smoothly and then it happens UT (unexpected turbulence). Immediately and without hesitation I will grab my neighbors arm. It is like my hand has a life of its own and tries to abandon me when faced with a fearful situation and attach itself to a more stable individual.

What this "issue" has taught me is that deep in the heart of every flyer is this fear. You know how I know? Nobody ever gets mad at me. I always apologize right away and inevitably they smile, say they understand and they hardly ever change seats.
The last flight I was on I was sitting next to a lovely young girl, she must have been about my daughters age. We hit some bumps and my infidel hand went flying over to her arm and latched on. I pulled my hand back and apologized sincerely, but a moment later the plane hit more turbulence and I had grabbed her arm again. I just looked my seatmate and shook my head and you know this sweet young girl said? She said, "that's okay, you can hang onto me if it helps."

My mission during my travels this week and on my journey to fifty is to work on shifting from the one who needs holding to the one who holds.

Before signing off for the week I wanted to let you know that all updates regarding lifestyle changes will be suspended until after February 14th. Because of the risk of air travel it is important that when I board the airplane, I have recently consumed some of my favorite foods, avoided rigorous exercise and am well rested for what could possibly be the last day of my life.

Who Dat?!?!

Since I’m on the same journey (slip-sliding into 50), but on a slightly different path than my dear friend Kathy, I thought I would jump in and be a guest blogger on her site.  Now keep in mind that I usually play the ‘straight-man’ to Kathy’s razor sharp wit, so this probably won’t have the chuckle factor that you usually expect and appreciate from Kathy.  But, as my French ancestors probably used to say, “c'est la vie” (such is life).

Speaking of life, and all it’s idiosyncrasies, I thought I would share a phrase that really struck a cord with me this month. 

Most people think about age and experience in terms of years, but it’s really only moments that define us.  We stay mostly the same and then grow up suddenly, at the turning points.*                     

*Taken from Glenn Beck’s new thriller, the Overton Window.

You see, this gem of truth is both funny and poignant at the same time.  For the funny – (ok, here goes, but don’t say I didn’t warn you that Kathy is the true comedian here):

….We stay mostly the same….

How many of you have been walking along, minding your own business, and happen to glance in the glass panes of the building next to you, or in the mirror/reflection of the elevator, and wonder to yourself – Hmmmm, who is that old person?  And then in one excruciating moment of clarity you realize, Holy Cannoli, that’s me!

Wait.  I’m still 25, right?   

N -O   …………. NO! 

Wait.  I’m old?!?

Y-E-S  ……….YES!

Wait.  If I’m nice to the young man at the Starbucks counter, then I could be mistaken for a cougar?

You.  Bet.  Cha.

Ok, so after I pull myself out of an oozing pit of self-pity, I start to realize maybe this isn’t as bad as I thought.

…… (we) then grow up suddenly, at the turning points…..

Although my reflection-revelation about age could be one of the turning points Mr. Beck is speaking of, I’m thinking it’s really not.    So I start to think about the ‘turning points’ of my life, and how those have affected me.  I decide to consider them neutrally, without emotion, to see if I can understand how they have changed me – again, without emotions like remorse, anger, joy, etc.    And to realize what these ‘turning points’ have done in my life, and others.

Moving away from MN for 17+ years.  I learned a lot about other people, cultures and cities (as well I came to appreciate MN all over again.   Realizing I still hate cold weather/MN winters as much as I did in my 20’s.

Having/raising children.    Learning that I know SO MUCH LESS than I thought I did.  Learning that a mother’s love is FIERCE, and PRECIOUS, and there is nothing like it on earth. 

Financial crises.  Learning that chasing after THINGS just isn’t worth it – stuff is just empty trinkets when you are worried about getting food on the table.  Learning that I have come to value security more than adventure.  (perhaps this is the ‘older, more mature me’ surfacing?).

Friends battle with cancer……winning…….and losing.   Life, moments, with family and friends together, are precious. 

So the turning points, whether crisis or celebrations, are to be savored.  How they change you is your choice – only you can allow change, good or bad, in your life through your choice in how you respond to these defining moments.

So, I guess I’m really not 25 inside anymore.  (I certainly can attest to the fact I’m not 25 on the outside).

And.  That.  Is.  Good.

Hello 50, here I come!

The longest month of the year is OVER!

I just want to share that I am so grateful this month is over. January always starts off on a down note, the holidays are over, reality engages, resolutions begin along with an entire twelve months to ride the roller coaster between success (lost 10 pounds) and guilty confusion (down 2 pounds?). Fortunately I was raised Catholic and I am comfortable with the cycle, leaning a bit more to the guilty confusion than the success aspect, but comfortable none the less.

As I work my way towards the big five-oh, I believe it is important to focus on success. When I was very young I was pretty sure that my successful adult life would include a brief stint as a movie star followed by a happy home life being a mother and wife. As I became more familiar with reality I realized that I would have to work, very hard, outside the home, for a really, really long time. I definitely had to redefine what success was going to be for me.

Looking back, I can honestly say I am amazingly successful. I don't have a huge house, vacation home, or new cars (I have a somewhat expensive Italian Greyhound (birthday gift) pictured above recovering from a night on the town). I do have my family: Mark, our children Mckenzie and Sam, my mother, sisters, brothers, in-laws, friends and lots of nieces and nephews. Also, I started a company in the mid 1980's that allows me to travel and teach about a subject I love. Almost best of all - I don't ever have to work for mean people, how many of us can say that?

So, I say ya me! I understand what success is.... for me. When I go out into the world and see what a pain in the ass success can be for other women I want to tell them, "You can define success!" You don't need to be in the C-suite or on a board of directors. There is so much more than 65+ hour workweeks, you just have put down the Kool-Aid.

There is a brand out there called SUCCESS. The dickhead, Jack Welsh, summed it up a couple of years ago at a national conference. Welch said, "those who take time off for family could be passed over for promotions if "you're not there in the clutch." Also, "Women who take time off can still "have a nice career," but their chances of reaching the top are smaller." Someone needs to introduce Jack to the definition of "the top". I tried calling him a couple of times this week, still waiting for him to get back to me. I will keep you posted.

Final note for the week... I fell down! I clearly stated last week that this is officially off the table, but apparently not. It wasn't even a reasonable fall down, like outside, on the ice. I was rushing into the kitchen to get the low fat popcorn out of the microwave before it burned. No worries, both popcorn and self came through without incident.

Don't Forget to Say No!

I think it is important to provide an update on my improved lifestyle accomplishments to date:

I have lost eight pounds but am only down three... Exercise is going very well, I am doing yoga twice a week, weights three times a week and walking daily. My trainer continues to encourage me although when the temperature dipped into the -20's Friday and Saturday I had to say no! Brown eyes or no brown eyes, it was reported on the news that any more than 5 minutes outside could result in frostbite (there was mention of not wearing protective clothing, but why risk it). I walk on two legs and he walks on four therefore I had to take matters into my own hands.

Sunday morning I had made plans with Mark (husband) to go ice fishing. There had been a rumor of a warm up, unfortunately when I checked the temp yesterday at 5AM it was -15 with a colder wind chill. I really didn't want to go, I considered just "maning up" (MS Word wants me to use two n's in maning, but I think I have this one right) and heading out when I heard this wise voice in my head, "you don't have to". It was my first NFE (Near Fifty Experience).

I don't know if I can put words to the power that voice had, not just on my morning (saving me from an NFTDE, near freezing to death experience) but the rest of my life. I have toyed with "no" in the past, not for big things, like saying no to my children, but small things like I am not going to work out today. I have decided I can use this word for good.

So far I said No! to watching the football games yesterday. Who won by the way? No! to practicing the guitar (that was an inappropriate use of the word no). I have decided to use No! on anyone who yells at me, whether they can hear me from my car or not. I am getting to old wise to be yelled at and I am not going to tolerate it. If it is possible, I would like to say No! to falling down, now and in the future. It is shocking to fall down and it should be reserved for those who are very young and/or participating in sports.

I have spent much of the past 24 hours really considering how to use this two letter gem going forward and know I must proceed with caution. My plan is to spend the week working with this new tool, measuring the impact it has on relationships, resources and my general well being. All findings will be shared on Monday, January 31st.

The Down Side of Thinking Too Much

Another week has come and gone and so much has happened. First, we all need to stop and understand that if you follow this "Mock" Garlic Mashed Potatoes recipe on the Food Network website you can pretty much change any ill feelings you ever had about cauliflower. There is nothing more I can say, just try it and then come back and tell me how right I was.

So the healthy food program had been going very well, until I fell into a pitcher of Bloody Mary's at Sunday brunch. That's okay, I will just pick up where I left off... tomorrow. I am not sure why, but when I veer off a path, it definitely takes me 48 hours to get back on and that includes my new exercise regimen. (MS Word is my friend, I was going to type regiment and it underlined it in blue, not like it was a bad thing, it did not make me feel ashamed of using the wrong word, just a mild underline that encouraged me to check further into the use of the word regiment.)

We had a bit of a scare on Friday night. Our old black lab, Magic, had an episode which caused him to lose the use of his back legs for over an hour. It happened again on Sunday and we thought today might be the day we say goodbye. He is 14 years old, bow legged in the front with hip dysplasia in the back. We carry him up and down the stairs now because he insists on sleeping in our room. We took him to the vet today just to make sure he wasn't suffering and the vet said he seems to be comfortable so we took him home and made him some turkey wild rice soup.

Magic is a highly evolved dog. From the very beginning he understood his role in our family was to love and protect. If you ever read the book The Art of Racing in the Rain: A Novel by Garth Stein, Magic is just like the dog who narrates the book. According to Garth's take on Buddhist reincarnation a dog comes back as a human after he has successfully lived the best dog life possible. I like to think that Magic will come back as a human too.

That is the down side of having a pet, chances are good you will outlive them. As I was sitting at the vet today I started thinking about death. As stated in an earlier blog: yahoo member shared - "turning 50 means you're just old and closer to dying". I had a very odd realization... Eventually, almost everyone I know will die OR, eventually, I will die before everyone I know. Does that make sense?

Death is definitely something I need to think about on this journey. There is an art to it. My mother's mother, Nonny, died in 1991. I was with her days before she passed and I could see that she was getting close, but she just laid quietly in bed with a bit of a smile on her face. I told her I couldn't come and kiss her because I had a terrible cold. I think she knew I couldn't kiss her because I was crying so hard, but didn't want her to see it. Silly of me to think I could tell her I didn't want her to catch my cold as she lay on her deathbed. But, she had mastered the art, she knew what I needed to believe and she let me.

I have had a few other people close to me that have died, my father, my neighbor, my friend Margo. I have stealthily skipped all deathbed scenes. I don't think I can keep pulling that off (if I want to master the art) whether I am sitting by it or laying in it.

Well, that was fun.. I am going to get some ice cream before I get back on track tomorrow.

Happy Birthday.... kind of

The 9th of January has come and gone and, if life really does begin at conception, I am now 50 years old. I can really tell too, I am much more responsible than I was last week. Keeping commitments, attending meetings, driving slower (NOT) and planning for retirement.

I have taken on a trainer to help keep me on track to my new and improved healthy lifestyle. His name is Jack, he has the most amazing brown eyes and I can't say no to him when he reminds me it is time for our workout. He shows up at my office about 3:00PM, Monday through Friday, even though he knows our program isn't suppose to begin until after 4:00PM. To get him off my back I take him to the kitchen and give him a bowl of food. It take about 4.5 seconds for him to eat that up and back to my office he comes.

He really puts the pressure on, sometimes pacing back and forth until I finally switch off my light and we get ready. I like to keep him guessing, he never knows for sure if I committed to the workout until he sees me put on my boots and open the door. His enthusiasm is contagious and by the time we get to the park for our walk we are both ready to tackle the cold and enjoy the outdoors, walking briskly for 30 - 45 minute depending on the temperature. His gratitude for my hard work is paid when we get home and sit in front of the fire where he curls up next me and wags his tail.

My other goal for the beginning of this year, this journey, was to get back to my musical side. I wouldn't call it a side, perhaps just a great love for making music.. Not good music, pretty much just noise, but if nobody is around I really enjoy it. Did you know they have karaoke online? You can pull up any song and sing it. Be careful if you record it though, you can sometimes be disappointed when you play it back.

I also took out my guitar, which hadn't been touched in about a decade. Since I don't have an ear for music I have to use a battery operated tuner, but the battery in mine was dead. So, I made another new discovery! There is an app for that! It was great, I paid $1.99 and my guitar is now perfectly tuned. Unfortunately I became distracted by all the possible applications for my new android that my guitar is back in the corner. But that's okay, it is in the corner of my office which is closer to me than it was when it was in the living room. Baby steps... I have a long time to lean.

The Launch Sequence Has Been Deployed

Okay, let's get this countdown started. Let me just say that the past two weeks have been wonderful and full of goodbyes. I did my very best to eradicate the house of tasty foods and managed to consume all holiday related treats by 10PM last night. I was worried for a bit that I wouldn't be able to get it done, but (reaching around to pat myself on the back) I am always up for a challenge. I also wanted to enjoy some of the fine foods I will be saying goodbye to for a while. I had a lovely Big Mac and a sausage McMuffin with egg, chili dog, left over party appetizers, potato chips, and... Oh, I better stop, I am getting hungry.

This time of year also prompted me to go though all my stuff and try to downsize. In the basement I found a set of TV trays. Like so many things I believe their time has come and gone, it seems like this piece of civilization is only used by people over 80 these days. The rest of us just lean over our laps in front of the TV, no need for a tiny table, especially if you have a dog.

Other items I have decided to remove from my life include my fax machine. I will no longer be receiving faxes because those little ink cartridges are very expensive and now that I have a scanner there is no need. I have an old tape recorder I was going to dump, but I came across a tape I made when I must have been about 9 years old that contained the sounds my friend Kathy Olson and I making funny voices and laughing, oh the good old days.

Finally, I painted my living room. Gone is the darkish, rose colored room. In with the new, light tan color. So, fully armed for the new year I was out of bed at 5:45AM, yoga for 45 minutes, tall glass of lemon water and some lovely veggies for lunch. Roasted cauliflower for an afternoon snack and a dinner of sautéed cabbage for dinner. Perhaps I should sleep in the guest room tonight. Only three days of this to purge my system of two weeks of abuse and then... Who knows!